One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Treasure...

PARIS HILTON...Some people love her, some people hate her, very few have no opinion at all. But looks like she is such a narcissist she had to wait to meet a guy with the same first name as she has in order to get engaged.


Why is she famous again?


I found this pic on someone elses blog...apparently his trash is a multi-millionaire's treasure. I guess he really liked her "movies."

Yahoo Messenger

If you see JSmooth331 on Y! Send him an annoying message, Peg will thank you for it.

[21:42] Peg: this is what i hate about yahoo messenger...
[21:42] Peg: [21:41] jsmooth331: hi there, Jeff from MD... just moved to NJ
[21:42] Chuck: write back
[21:42] Peg: hell no
[21:42] Chuck: Hi peg here, just finished the hormones
[21:42] Chuck: I am officially a chick!
[21:42] Peg: no
[21:42] Peg: why dont you send him the same message he sent me
[21:42] Chuck: HAHAHAHA

Seperation of Church and Sports...

Ok, this is ridiculous! Its bad enough that these religious freaks are trying to influence laws that govern our country. Stem cells can really help humanity and last I checked there is nothing in the bible that says individual cells have souls. But this isn't about politics, its about sports.

Some asshat wants the NEW JERSEY DEVILS, my favorite Hockey Team, to change its name to something less evil.

A NJ State Assemblyman, Craig Stanley, is also a Baptist Deacon and he suggests the team should pick a new name through a statewide competition.

First of all, Mr. Stanley...I think you should change your last name to something less important to hockey fans. You don't deserve to share your name with the Stanley cup for suggesting such a thing. Second of all, the NJ Devils are not named after a fallen angel. Their named after the legendary beast that haunts the Pine Barrens. Learn the history and lore of your own STATE! Pick up a copy of Weird NJ.

Its bad enough that Political Correctness has forced the St. John's Redmen to become the Red Storm, but don't introduce religion into the debate. Are you going to write the Buffalo Sabres next and tell Left Winger Miroslav Satan he should change his name?

Shut the fuck up and pass a law or something, or better yet vote yourself a pay raise? Don't you have a job to do?

Oh one more thing, ironically enough the NCAA actually wrote a small division 3 school, I believe it wasChowan College, to change its sports team's name from The Braves to something more sensitive. The college wrote back that as a College founded by and for Native Americans, they would decide what was sensitive or not.

Tee's

Ok, some expensive shirts, but they're cool:

I love old punk rock, and I love to dance, so some disco is cool too. Good mix in this shirt:


this one is for chuck:


and this one is made of bamboo:



I'm serious, or at least, that's what their web site says.

If you ever wanted a bamboo shirt, there you go.

Great, Now DeLay wants to put an end to Satire?

Ok, Tom DeLay is a douche bag, plain and simple. Andrew has posted about some of the issues in his "accountability" post. This guy is mad with power. Its bad enough he wants to curtail Judicial power, but when you mess with satire...that's where I draw the line (oh BTW that was supposed to be satirical)

Recently in an episode of Law and Order a Federal Judge was killed, and a cop says "Lets put out an APB on a guy in a Tom DeLay T-Shirt." Thats FUNNY! Satire I think they call that Mr. DeLay (by the way your name is suspiciously French sounding, is that why you are so snippy...hmmm (sorry Michey you know I love making French jokes)

Anyway, DeLay's response to the show was "This manipulation of my name and trivialization of the sensitive issue of judicial security represents a reckless disregard for the suffering initiated by recent tragedies and a great disservice to public discourse," DeLay wrote in a letter to NBC President Jeff Zucker

Well, seeing as though we just avoided the Nuclear Option I want to know why he was watching TV and took this much time out of his busy day to be a cry baby.

And this is coming from a man who pretty much said that if the Federal Judges are arrogant when they think independantly or go by the black letter law rather than what congress or the president wants. (like in The Shiavo case) Hey Tom, read up on Checks and Balances are.

And if he wants to screw with TV's ability to playfully mock its leaders, and perhaps bring back sedition laws, maybe he should see what happened when Larry Flynt was sued by Falwell.

More votes then the President

'Idol' Season Gets 378 Million More Votes than 2004 Presidential Elections.

Check it out.

The New Catholic Church..

I never thought having a new Pope would bring about this sort of change... ;-)

Odd Products

I didn't make this up.



Solar Powered Handbag.

Or this:



Star Wars Rain Lightsaber - with the quote "A regular lightsaber is normally used to attack someone but put the word "rain" in front of it and you have an umbrella."

Koran update

Just for you Chuck...



And for those who have followed the "Newsweek" thing... a cartoon

Revenge Of The Sith

Ok, so the Star Wars film "Revenge of the Sith" just came out, amidst a ton of hype. Someone I work with told me it sucked. I came up with these three alternate endings to the series for them to use on the air.

1) Ever See Chinatown?

2) I'm not sure...

3) I needed the money

Newsweek Says "Oops"

Newsweek magazine apolgized for publishing a story that led to unrest in the Middle East and the deaths of 15 people in a series of demonstration about alleged US actions at Gitmo.

Firstly, they shouldn't be so hard on themselves, it doesn't take that much to cause unrest in the Middle East. I am pretty sure that if Jalal Talabani or Ibrahim al-Jaafari said they received paper cuts while signing documents given to them by US diplomats that all hell would break loose.

WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS...

the military prison found interrogators "had placed Qurans on toilets, and in at least one case flushed a holy book down the toilet."

WHAT KIND OF TOILET DO THEY HAVE AT GITMO AND HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO GET A TOILET THAT CAN FLUSH AN ENTIRE HOLY BOOK IN ONE SWOOSH! I want one of those!

Oh and, its apparently ok that these assclowns can burn our flag, but what, we can't flush a fucking book down a toilet! Big deal, its a book! And its fiction anyway...or should I say "mythology."

I am sorry but if it meant flushing a Torah down the toilet to show off your powerful flush, I think I'd get over it, I'd be like..."That is soo cool! Can it flush small children? The Boston Archdiocese or Michael Jackson might be in the market for such a throne."

Oh and just a side note... They can flush an entire Quran down the toilet at GITMO and it won't back-up, but god forbid you just look at it funny and the Maine Turnpike is backed up for miles.

Dave Chapelle

Ok...so if you haven't heard the latest (click here) Dave Chapelle vanished and recently resurfaced in South Africa.


He said, "I'm not crazy. I'm not smoking crack. I'm definitely stressed out."

Not crazy? Not smoking crack? Then WHY did you walk away from a $50 million dollar deal with comedy central? Then why did you convert to Islam? (everyone knows its the Jews that run Hollywood, baby) Oh and better yet, why are you hiding out in a nation where the White minority has a violent history against the black majority and the murder rate is one of the highest in the world?

Fashizzle Bitch, you gotta be on drugs or crazy to do all that, either that or you REALLY suck at decision making,

John Rocker - Pro Sports Fines

Remember a few years ago when there was a controversy in sports because of an outspoken pitcher from Atlanta? He was in NY to play againts the Mets and said:

"Imagine having to take the Number 7 train to the ballpark nexy to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS right next to some dude who just got out of prison for the fourth time right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing."

Since then he has gotten himself in more trouble with more dumb remarks. He's been fined by the leagues he's played in, he's been ridiculed in the press and now a USA today writer says he should cal it quits.

HOW UNIMAGINITVE! Turn those remarks into something for the greater good!

Personally, I think we need to revamp the fines assessed by professional sports especially basebal. Major League Baseball has enjoyed a monopoly since 1914 when congess granted them an antitrust exemption. Since they are given this protection, any players fined for drug use, or saying stupid things like John Rocker, should fork that money over to do good things for America like bail out social security!

MLB doesn't really need the money, and the players certainly don't. Then, let John Rocker say whatever the hell he wants...the things he says are funny because of how ridiculous they are, and I may not need a private retirement account after all!

WOO - HOO!

Desperate

So I was led to the Desperate Housewives quiz by.... actually, I don't remember how I ended up there, but I believe it was toilet-paper based. Don't ask.

Basically, it'll tell you which housewife you are, or are most likely to date/marry.

Here are my results:


Which is good, because when we ran Peggy we got:


So... who are you?

Diet Update

I've lost 16 pounds!

The steamed meat diet is working. Actually, it's not only White Castles.

For lunch, I do eat out a lot, and what is really odd is that it's much easier to get nutritional information out of somewhere like White Castles, Burger King, Wendy's, etc, then out of a restaurant like Applebee's. Why?

So I am eating a lot at these places, but it's not all steam grilled onions for me. I'm also eating a lot of things I wouldn't normally touch. Salads are one of them.

Burger King has a great Fire Grilled Chicken Garden Salad that I highly recommend. I don't eat the "Garlic Parmesan Toast" (which you would know as "croutons", but even with the creamy garlic Caesar dressing (the worst, and thus best tasting of their dressings), it's only 340 calories.

However, it does feel odd ordering this salad because they give me this packet:




I just find getting "Hot Meat in a Pouch" a little disturbing. And why wrap it in quotes? Is there really a Ugoff guy that we are quoting?

But I guess it's ok, because Ugoff's hot meat is only 110 calories.

Eat away, drinking unsweetened iced tea or diet soda, you can have TWO salads, 7 white castles, and 2 white castle fries and still be having less than 1,900 calories. Now that's a diet I can live with!

Spins around with water spraying action

Everyone is going crazy with Star Wars: Episode 3 about to come out, but I can't say anything better than to quote "Let Darth Vader be the center of your backyard universe today..."



Vader Force Sprinkler

Let the Dark Side defend your lawn from the ravages of summer heat or cool you off on a hot day with this Darth Vader sprinkler!

What Happens When They Steal Your Car?

I couldn't find the video I saw on the news, but I did do a search. Police in Arizona have been using "BAIT CARS." They lure car thieves to steal them and, unbeknownst to the thief or thieves, they are being video taped. I think that COPS should probably do a whole spinoff of just some of this stuff. This video isn't as exciting or funny as what I saw on TV, but I think it illustrates two crimes.

1) They Stole A Car
2) They have realy bad taste in "getaway music."

Security Tip

I always like to share some security tips when I can.

Lesson #1: Never publish internal company photos.

Lesson#2: Never, ever publish internal company photos that have PASSWORDS WRITTEN ON THE WHITEBOARD.

No, this is not where I work. ;-)

What Type Of Alcoholic Beverage Are You?

I just took the alcholic beverage test and...


You're a Glass of Wine!


What Type of Alcoholic Beverage Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


I am a glass of wine. Fitting, Jewish people are known for our Whine.

If This Happens, I am SO Moving Home!

Members of the State and Local Government Committee unanimously endorsed a bill that, if approved by voters, would put Maine on Atlantic time along with Canada's Maritime Provinces.

Excuse me? Will we have to "A" after every sentence too? At least they aren't suggesting we learn French, for Quebec is in the Eastern Time Zone. Maybe we will have to learn Spanish though, Puerto Rico is in Atlantic time.

Oh and get this quote from the Herald...

Steve Thaxton, president and general manager of WCSH-TV in Portland, said he thinks it's a great idea. Morning programming already rules in Maine, he said, and the time shift would give stations another early slot.

"The upside, particularly for us, is much greater than the downside," said Thaxton.

I dunno, I'm more of a night person...I think morning programming sucks, I mean who needs to see more of those infomercrials for Oxyclean or those space bags you put your clothes in and vacuum out the air. That stuff is always on 2am -6am. And the crap that follows it isn't usually much better.

The only upside is that they would eliminate Daylight Savings Yime. So Maine would be 1 hour ahead of the rest of the country, but when the clocks go back in Eastern Time, and they gain an hour...we'd be at the same time for 5 months.

I can't imagine driving home to see family and having to deal with changing my clock during the drive. And to think the 5 1/2 hour trip would be 4 1/2 hours to NJ and 6 1/2 back.

Riding The Bus With My Sister

Rosie O'Donnell stars with Andie MacDowell in TV a movie called "Riding The Bus With My Sister." She plays a fat, mental challenged woman...there's a stretch. Its like when Keanu Reeves played TED...thats not acting.

Anyway, she bares a striking resemblance to Vincent D'Onofrio's character "Leonard Lawrence" (Private Pyle) from Full Metal Jacket. I only hope that Rosie will honor us by doing what Private Pyle did at the end of the scene in the Latrine.

I mean even if she can't get a hold of an M-14, a simple hand gun would suffice.

Commercial Production...

Everynow and then when I am producing commercials, I get a script begging to be played with. Recently I had to produce a commercial for a new Chinese restaurant, so I gave the salesperson this spot. To see if he noticed.

Then I got a call from a local ad agency. Arby's made a national commercial that was supposed to be a guy from New York talking about how he's a native New Yorker and Arby's new Reuben sandwhich is better than the ones home. The guy sounded nothing like a New Yorker. So he asked me to do the spot for him. "Just be a New Yorker."

So I did a Voiceover for him and sent it to him, he wanted me t be "more New York" so I did a little over the top and then he wanted a little more. So I sent him a sampler.

This is an MP3 of the Spot from the National Agency and then my VO of a New York characature and then a little more stereotypical until I did the perfect, but unusuable spot.

Incidentally, I'm always getting picked on up here for being from NY/NJ. They have made me do so many silly spots, but I sware if they ever make me say "Joisey..." I'll be out for blood.

Downy has me wrapped around her finger...

People always think its funny that a grown heterosexual man approaching 30 has, of all things, a Rabbit for a pet. I'm deathly allergic to cats, and at the time I wanted to get a pet I couldn't have a dog in my apartment. If I do eventually get a dog, I'll probably get a greyhound because they say that dogs and owners usually have some sort of resemblance, and I can't think of a skinnier breed of dog.

Anyway, she's litterbox trained and roams my downstairs like a cat. She's very friendly and when I watch TV she very often likes to sit on my chest (and gnaw on my t-shirt)

So last week it was warm and I didn't have anything planned so I decided to make her this.

Incidentaly, when I lived in NJ and told girls I had a Rabbit they always thought it was cute and wanted to meet her. In Maine they always say "I had Rabbits growing up, and also goats and sheeps and chickens and moose and ducks and zebras and wildebeasts..." So its not impressive up here.

Inflation?

Well apparently INFLATION has effected more than just the price we pay for goods and services, and there is nothing Alan Greenspan can do to stem the tide.

For the past 6 months living in Portland, at least once a week someone on the street has said, "Hey buddy, can you spare 60 cents?"

I used to be amused by how specific they were to ask for an amount and not just spare change. The other day, in the pouring rain a guy asked me "Hey man, do you think you can spare 70 cents."

Perhaps its because I grew up in NY and NJ, perhaps its because I'm a smart ass, but I replied...

"70 cents? What? The price went up? Please tell me this has nothing to do with rising energy costs."