Ed McMahon Would Be Proud!

Congradulations (Your Name Here). You may have already won TEN MILLION DOLLARS...

I just got my mail and apparently Ed McMahon and Dick Clark have inspired our friends in Spain. According to this letter below I won 12,225,493.50 EUROS!!!! Holy Crap!

All I have to do is fill out a form...Usual stuff like : Name, Date of Birth, Telephone, Address, Do I want to be paid by check or direct deposit...what is my bank account number, bank name, bank address, pin number...and my next of kin information (odd huh)





Stranger still, the mail came from Spain and this for is to be mailed to Madrid, but the lottery is the "Euroinsurance and Security Company S.A. " For those of you who don't know what the S.A. means. It's the same as the N.A. you hear when Banks Advertise...like "Banknorth N.A." It means North or in this case South America. So why is this a South American company operating out of Spain telling me I won a bunch of Euros.

Well, I'm going to fill it out with Andrew's information and see what happens.

The Crips Are Coming!

It seems I am not the only person to move to a smaller market by moving to Maine. I wonder if this guy did it for quality of life reasons.

http://kennebecjournal.mainetoday.com/news/local/1333605.shtml

Oh and in this article it states...

"The price of a gram of cocaine in New York City or Boston is $25. Up here it's $80 to $100."

So that means that my street value has increased by moving to Portland. I'm really worth $4,785,300. HOLY SHIT! (If you have no idea what I am talking about please click this link)

Gay Governor/Politicians and Affairs

Personally I think that having a Gay Governor is great! At least you know the head of your State's Government is a little more sympathetic to you...I mean if he's taking it in the ass, he'll be more sensative when he gives it to yuh!

But I thought about McGreevy stepping down and it was stupid. Yeah he had an affair, and sure it was with a guy, but more than the affair and the allegations of nepotism he stepped down because it looked like he'd get sued.

Shit, Clinton did worse and still stayed in office. He cheated on Hillary a few times, settled suits while in office, big deal! So many politicians have affairs and they become huge news.

Ever notice WOMEN never have this problem! Maybe they are more discreet, but if a female politician got in the jam McGreevy did, it would turn out something like this.

My constituents! I have led a lie...I am a gay American. I am considering stepping down, but I will leave that to your discretion. I have here videotaped evidence that should be reviewed by my peers and based upon your judgement we can decide together what action to take. If I stay in office more "evidence" will follow on a monthly basis. Alternatively you can visit the State website and click on "The Governor's Webcam."

A few months later her advisors would say "Your approval rating with men 18 - 25 is off the carts and Friday night ratings on Cinemax have tanked."

Saving Social Security

Recently I was alerted (by Andrew) that I needed to contact my Senator, Olympia Snowe, because she is on the House Finance Committee and is on the fence about Bush's proposals concerning Social Security. I wrote her an e-mail and urged her not to let our President destroy Social Security. I mean, what does he care anyway if its gone, he has a kick ass retirement plan.

In all seriousness I have been telling friends about MY PLAN to save social security for years, and now I will share it with you.

When you get your credit card statement in the mail, usually attached to the return envelope is some stupid coupon or advertisement for something ridiculous you don't need. Like personalised return address stamps. Duh, I just put no postage on the envelope and put my address as the destination and the credit card company's as the return address to save $.37. (Oh and my checks for my student loan, I make them out to the US Department of Edumacation [yes they still cash them])

Anyway, Social Security protects 150 Million Americans and is paying benefits to 45 million now.

Its a pretty specific group. Social Security pays monthly retirement benefits to more than 31 million retired workers and their family members.

So the government should sell advertising space. Every check that goes out should have three coupons attached to it. For products like Ensure, Depends, Viagra, Cialis, Centrum Silver, Propecia and any other product that can be targetted to a 65+ audience. So lets calculate a very affordable PPM like $4.00. (The cost it takes for your ad to be seen by 1,000 people in the classified ads of a local paper) Thats $180,000 per month for each ad. So thats over half a million dollars raised every month. Almost $6.5 Million a year! And the PPM would be higher than $4 for sure (and well worth it because the advertiser wouldn't have to pay postage or for a mailing list)

So if that money were dumped back into the system in a way similar to an annuity we'd be able to turn it into billions of dollars in about ten years. Not bad, and it costs the taxpayers $0.

If you were a company that sold products for seniors, you would love to get 31 million people to see your product with a call to action to purchase it as soon as they got the money in their hands, wouldn't you? And the people on disability could probably use some of the products and services too.

Don't think twice

So Orbitz has a new commercial to try to get you to travel. It does this singing "don't think twice" -- no matter what reason you have for not going.



The first guy wants to know who will feed his fish. Easy enough to find someone to feed them I guess. Besides, it looks like he had some goldfish he won at a church carnival or something.

But one of the last guys announces "I have two broken legs!", but they shout back "don't think twice." I don't know.... I don't think I'd feel like vacationing if both of my legs were in casts.

Oh well... Don't think twice... go to Maine!

Codey Vs. Carton

Before I moved to Maine and took a job with Nassau Broadcasting I worked for Millennium Radio Group. They hold 11 stations in NJ including the biggest stick in the state, WKXW. (New Jersey 101-5) This station does a monthly "ask the governor" show and has always had a contentious relationship with the head of our states when they are Democrats. In fact they organized the Hands Across New Jersey campaign to rid the state of Jim Florio.

But this takes the cake!

Apparently NJ's acting Governor didn't like something that "Jersey Guy" Craig Carton said. They got inbto a verbal arguement in the hall of the station. Acting Governor Cody took the reigns after Governor McGreevy stepped down after admitting he was "a gay American."

Cold Snap

Its hard to believe that just a week ago NJ was in the 60's and we were in the 40's in Maine. BUT after just a day of warmth a cold front hit the east coast and its only getting worse. When I checked my e-mail at 8:30 this morning it was -2 degrees! And the predicted high is 6! 6 degrees is the HIGH!!! What? And then its supposed to dip to -12 tonight! Over the next 48 hours the temperature range will be between -12 and 6 and if I'm lucky Sunday we'll see double digits again...13!

Remeber way back when I asked for a space heater! Fuck that, please send me a nuclear reactor.




To help get past this psychologically I have switched from Fehrenheit to Kelvin. It will be between 248.7 and 258.7 degrees this weekend. That I can deal with ;)

Tsunami Relief

Ok, I've been called politically incorrect in my time. I have a sick sense of humor, and it gets me in trouble. Like I think the biggest tragedy in the wake of the Tsunami is that 150,000 people died, and not one of them was in France.

But leave it to our friends at the Federal Emergency Management Agency to make the Tsunami "fun for kids." http://www.fema.gov/kids/games/tsunami/

Oh boy...

Now the US government is thinking about delaying debt repayment from the countries affected by the disaster. Shit, haven't our leaders ever played Monopoly? When an opponent gets in a bind you don't let them make it to GO, you build a fucking hotel on Boardwalk and Park Place! That’s what we should do...A Margin call. "Oh Thailand, you owe us a few billion dollars, we don't think you'll ever be able to pay up so...well just take your land."

Then we can change the PH in Phuket to an F and open up a freakin' club med! Best of all, you won't need a passport to go there and you can bring home stuff without worrying about tariffs and customs! Woo-Hoo!

We've been criticized for the amount of aid we've been giving. Meanwhile other nations (France) haven't given that much. I think they have an immunity to tragedy. I mean they left a bunch of their parents and grand parents home while they went on vacations on the Riviera in August of 2003. When they came home they found that 13,000 of their senior citizens were dead from a HEAT WAVE.

I bet they come home, find Grand Ma decomposing on the sofa and think "Crap, I knew we shouldn't have taken the plastic covers off of the furniture."

Picasa

Ok, so I've been telling people to download Picasa for a while now, even more often since Google bought it. But now they've come and made it even better.



Picasa 2 is worth the quick download.

No ads, it organizes your pictures, will burn backups, gift cds, let you do a bunch of edits (including red eye reduction, crop, straighten, and a dozen effects). And of course, it links to let you put things in you blog, do a collage, print, or order professional prints.

Just do it before I sound more like I have stock in Google.

So how much are YOU worth?

Ok, so everyone is always asking me how much I weigh. Yeah, I know I'm thin, but do you REALLY want to know? So I have come up with ways to confuse people while still being honest. I tell them my weight in Kilograms!

I currently weigh about 53 Kg. Thats 53,000 grams! Which means that if I were made of Cocaine, I'd have a street value of about $1,098,736.36. (Using data from the Coast Guard) So if someone asks my weight I'll just tell them my street value and let them do the math. I think this can help a lot of people with their self esteem. When you put it in terms of dollars, its hard to comprehend...and that also means you probably weight less in South America than here in the States because of supply and demand.

Divide your weight in pounds by 2.2 then multiply that number by 1,000. Thats your weight in grams. Now take that number and multply it by $20.66 and you get your street value in cocaine.

Now go get high on your own supply.

Stan and Andi

I've met some wonderful friends over the years. But two I've gotten to know this past year just got married, and it was a wonderful wedding.

Stan and Andi joined the hapily married crowd on Saturday, January 15, 2005. Chuck was again best man (always the best man, never the groom).

We were told in advance that it was going to have some Chinese cultural elements. This included chinese garb (a beautiful dress on Andi's part, and some comfy looking PJ's for Stan), and something I had not expected:


The Chocolate Fountain
This mysterous item, that I can only assume comes from the orient allows you to dip almost anything in chocolate. Most dipped fruit. I went for the chocolate-covered canoli.

Congratulations Stan and Andi.

What? I forgot.

I keep seeing the commercial for Adult ADD and oddly, I keep forgetting to visit.

Today, I was online when the commercial ran, hit the site, and if you visit the site, they have a questionnaire to tell you if you may have ADD.

My results suggested that I run, right then, to my doctor and demand some drugs. Instead, I got distracted (imagine that) and clicked on the link to the company's home page.



In case it changes by the time you get there, the "breaking news" is:

Lilly Affirms: No 'Missing' Prozac Documents and No New Scientific Information; Claims that documents went missing at trial are unfounded

Is it just me, or does a company that has to investigate if they lost documents not the company I want in charge of helping me with memory and focus issues?

Walking, so we don't have to.

Cancer is something I really care a lot about. But I'm just not a guy big on doing the walk-a-thons and stuff like that myself. I generally just give money.

But, Eddie Ok is stepping up to the plate and walking. He's participating in the Revlon Run/Walk for Women, and he can use your donation.

The Revlon Run/Walk for Women is a fundraising event to raise awareness and significant funds to drive research which will result in prevention education, early diagnostic indicators, treatments and ultimately, a cure for women's cancers. Funds raised will be distributed to scientists who are doing the best, cutting edge research throughout the United States as well as to local beneficiaries.

On Saturday May 1st, Eddie is participating in the Revlon Run/Walk for Women in New York. The run/walk route is a 5k (3.1 mile) course that begins in Times Square and ends in the East Meadow of Central Park. He could really use your help.

To make a pledge, simply click on the link below to go to his personal page and make a donation. Doing so will let him walk, so all of us don't have to.

Make a Difference