WAR!

Ok, so Andrew and David use this website, rankmyride.com where they compare their cars to other peoples cars. But this is something I never saw before.

My friend Miriam put her Cat, MOJO, on this website.

Go MOJO go!

I'd enter Downy on a site like that, but she'd never defeat Oolong from Japan.

KFC

The Colonel may be dead, but here we are still enjoying his chicken...
Another cool shirt:



New shirts have made an impact at Kentucky Fried Chicken this week, as David may tell you...

Alpaca's

I'll be honest. I never even knew there was such an animal until late night tv advertising introduced me to the world of Alpaca farming.



I've even suggested that Chuck get into the market.

So when I see an articled named Alpaca was all wool, no action, I have to check it out.

The best quotes from the article:

"The trial evidence contains an extraordinary and intense analysis of the length and width of Diego's testicles."

"We're shearing alpacas here," Brown said and hung up.

"He has a low sperm count," wrote the judge. "As one veterinarian testified, 'It takes only one to do the job, and it takes 3 million to applaud.'"

JibJab

Latest from Jib Jab, in honor of Chuck, who is home this weekend because of Passover.

Dates

People love to make dates special. Anniversaries, Birthdays, Holidays. All of these things tied to particular dates.

We have our share. This year, Peg and I celebrated our dating anniversary on March 5th, and we will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary on June 5th.

So I've been looking around for things to do. But in doing so, I found out something we missed out on doing for our dating anniversary. March 5th this year was:



The start of the 2005 Ididtarod Dogsled Race!

Look how cute:



Be on the lookout for me for things to do around June 5th.

Dinoshirt

I don't know why, but I find this



shirt so funny.

Keyboard Car

Not just ONE keyboard car...




but TWO:




I just hope if I ever see one, I'll have a camera on me.

Diet

As everyone except Chuck has experienced, I need to loose some weight. My goal right now is 15 pounds in 15 weeks. Not too bad.

There are a ton of ways to loose that. I considered fad diets like Atkins or South Beach. I actually do very well on Atkins. But sandwiches are my favorite thing to eat (I make sandwiches out of spaghetti, ask Peg), so that was out.

So I jump on e-diets.com and sign up for my free profile. It recommends that I eat between 1,500 - 1,900 calories a day, and I'll be set.

That didn't sound like that many calories, considering that a single Monster Thickburger is 1,420 calories alone with mouth-watering ingredients such as "Butter Flavored Shortening."

Mmmmmm butter flavored shortening.

But I figured out the secret and I'll let you know. It's really about WHAT you eat. Turns out, if you can cut out the buttered flavored shortening, you can eat a lot of things!

Just eat smarter! So with my 1900 calories, I can eat:

• 11 White Castle Hamburgers.
• 2 boxes of fries

And as much unsweatened iced tea as I can drink.



Like my plan? I call it the New Steamed Beef Revolution!

Boss

I get asked all the time why I work in Government.

Sure, I could make a lot more money in the private sector, but does your boss get stories like this.



Didn't think so. Well, unless you are David.

Lifesize!

Another odd item for sale on the Net.
This one is sold out though:

Lifesize Cardboard Deer Head by Reed Elliott.

Scariest Ad Campaign Ever!

Have you ever seen these commercials for Valtrex. The chick comes straight out and says how she has herpes and outbreaks are a pain. Then they show her throughout the spot, as the narration explains the product, side effects and other info...galavanting around with a differet guy in every clip. And she wonders why she needs VALTREX!




More disturbing is the info on their website...

"Living with genital herpes can be a hassle (Yuh think?) but only if you let it" (or you tell people you are dating that you have it.)

Then it suggests talking to your doctor, but it never says you should tell people you are sleeping with that you are taking it or that you have herpes. Great!

Oh, one thing for the Ladies...

If an asshole is hitting on you in a bar, and won't take no for an answer. "Cave" Tell the guy, "ok...ok...you win. Your place or mine? We just have to stop by CVS so I can get my Valtrex."

Pet Dates

Another Dating site! I swear I am not making this up.

Online Dating... For Pet Lovers Or Their Pets.

I couldn't find a rabbit for our cat using the service though. However, they do have some good tips about your dating photo. I could have used this when I met Peg (my photo was horrible).

But they forgot my favorite. The "I'm not comfortable with my body so I'll hide behind a tree!" pose:


She's REALLY excited about being behind a tree, too.

Media

Ahh, the media. It's fun sometimes to see how stories come out in it.

Here are four newspapers, using the same quotes and facts about Bush meeting with Sharon and discussing Palestine.

So, which one got the headline right?

New York Times: Bush Supports Plan By Sharon For A Withdrawl From Gaza

Washington Post: Busb Prods Sharon On Peace

Times of London: Bush Demands a Halt To More West Bank Homes

LA Times: Bush, Sharon Clash Openly

FEMA

A report shows that FEMA paid for the burials of 315 Hurricaine Victims in Florida. The only problem is that only 123 people died in the storms. OOPS. Thats a difference of 192 people or 156%. So For every victim an extra 1 and half people got a freebie? NO...it gets worse!

The discrepancy is even greater because the families of some victims counted as storm casualties by the medical examiner said they received no help from FEMA, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel found in its continuing investigation of hurricane aid.

So, I just see this showing up in a Sopranos episode next season. Tony eliminates all his enemies and then brings them to Florida for FEMA to bury. It saves him so much money on Concrete and Lime that he retires, and thats how the season will end.

true... true

So. I've been out of the dating game for a while. But even with a profile marked "Married", yahoo/msn/etc, still show me ads for personal sites. One caught my eye.

True is not only offering 99 factors (screw eharmony's 29 dimensions), but also criminal background tests and marriage screenings.

You might be thinking how great it would be to protect people with background checks. Not me. I've met a ton of people who have passed background checks and for the love of god I don't know how (ok, well, I know how David passed his).

So basically, people on this site are thinking they're safe to meet these people, and yet it offers no protection.

This is dangerous. Thank god I've already found my gal.

Chuck, good luck! I'll bet even you will pass their background check! ;-)

I'm on TV...well, part of me...

Its really funny, but I hear myself on the TV all the time. I started doing some Voiceover work for the local ABC affiliate, but a lot of the spots make it to other TV stations too. I was watching CSI and heard my voice the other night. Although hearing myself on the radio never amused me...hearing myself on TV makes me chuckle.

I also produce or coice commercials for 11 radio stations in Maine and a few back home in NJ. Sometimes I have a little fun with them. In this example a lumber store wanted a woman on the phone with her mother explaining how busy she is, and a kid saying the mom is going to be late...I got to be the kid, but I had a little fun with my part.

28 Years Old...

No, not me, but the first album by my favorite band!


The Clash put out their first record in the UK on April 8, 1977. The record became the best selling import album in the US shortly thereafter. A record that I do believe still stands. They would release their second album "Give 'Em Enough Rope" a couple years later, this was actually the first Album released stateside. The second US album was actually the Self-Titled Debut, it just took a few years for them to release it in the States.

The Clash have been called "The Only Band That Matters" by critics. They influenced countless other bands, including U2. AND...their December 1979 release "London Calling" was considered by Rolling Stone to be the best album of the 80's.

8 Years ago I was at a Macaroni Grill with some friends and this large bad man came to serenade us. "Can I sing you a song?" He inquired.

"Yes, today is the 20th anniversary of the clash releasing their first album, can you sing Complete Control, Clash City Rockers or White Man In The Hammersmith Palais?"

He was very confused and offered to sing me some Disney crap.

Christmas House

So, we've all seen "A Christmas Story"... you know, the movie about Ralphie who wants a Red Rider BB gun for Christmas. And no doubt you noticed the leg lamps for sale this past holiday.

But now, someone bought the home on ebay.

Now the REAL outrage of this story is the house went for $ 150,000.

$ 150,000 for a home that was in a movie. You can't get a third rate condo in this area for $ 150,000!

Something is wrong with this world, and this kid:

Bono and The Pope

Upon his passing U2's Bono said that the Pope was the Church's best Front Man. A very nice compliment from the singer of the band that is my generation's closest thing to the Beatles or Stones.

A few years ago, the Pope and Bono met. Bono even let the Pontiff where his sunglasses.




I have here the secret transcript of their private conversation.

Pope: Bono, pretend for a minute that I am not the Pope...(dramatic pause) How man girls have you banged?

Bono: I dunno, 25 to 26 hundred.

Pope: Short laugh...thats all? You have nothing on me Bono. See this outfit...this outfit, especially the usual hat, gets you laid, why do you think I have "Sepsis."

Magnets

A lot of things drive me crazy. Magnet ribbons is one of them.



Now, don't get me wrong, I support our troops. I want them all to return home safe. I also want them to find a cure for breast cancer. I'm all for Tsunami Relief, although I am a little surprised there is a ribbon for it. People should be aware of autism. I wish I had any skill to help find a cure to diabetes. And of course, you should support law enforcement, and not just to get out of a ticket.

But for the life of me I can't understand why a magnetic ribbon would actually help do any of these things.

So finally, a site for me:



UPDATE::

Shea Butter

Earlier in the week I posted about my experience at a pub caled Shay's. That reminded me of a story from several years back.

I was seeing a girl named Bella. We decided to go to the mall to do some shopping and walked passed Bath and Body Works. They had a display out front



"Oh look they have She-uh butter!"

I look at the product and say, "Are you sure its "She-uh" butter not "Shay" Butter, you know like Shea Staium."

She got mad. In the middle of the mall raised her voice to me, "Have you ever used the stuff? Have you ever even heard of the stuff?"

"No...but" She interupts,

"But what? You know better? Why don't you go inside the store and ask them about the SHAY butter, they'll have no idea what you are talking about. I've been using it for years and I've never heard anyone call it SHAY butter...what on Earth makes you think that its SHAY butter and not SHE-UH Butter?"

I've found that when someone gets bent out of shape like this, the best way to exacerbate the situation is to remin calm, cool and collected. So in the calmest way possible I say "Because the product is called SHAY it isn't so, not SHE-UH Later."

Later on that evening she was telling me how her KER-KADE-E-AN rhythm was screwed up. That opened up a whole other arguement. When the night concluded she actually asked me if I wanted to stay over. Odd huh?

Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

Terri Schiavo - My Living Will...

Wow, I haven't been this annoyed about the over-coverage of a news story since Chandra Levy and Elian Gonzalez.

You would think that now that she is finally at peace the coverage could end, but instead the media persists in forcing the bickering between her husband and parents upon us. Where Terri is buried is not newsworthy.

It doesn't matter which side of the case you took, if you even chose sides. I think everyone can agree on this. While both factions said they were doing what Terri would have wanted they neglected to look at the fact that whether she would have chosen to live or die, she probably wouldn't have wanted her predicament so publicized. She would have rather lived her life out or died in private. Did America really need to know that she had an eating disorder? Did America need to see pictures of her in that state? NO! And I bet she would've rather we not know any of that.

In addition, I think that its ridiculous that a woman who ended up in a hospice because she had bulimia should not be sentenced to death by anorexia. Thats exactly what they did by pulling the feeding tube. We treat our pets better.

Furthermore, this sort of thing is happening everyday, why choose to publicize her case? Can anything good come of this...YES!

I know I am going to make a living will. And I bet a lot of others are motivated to do the same...

If god forbid anything happens to me and will leave me in a condition in which I will be unable to WIPE MY OWN ASS...LET ME DIE! Oh and don't pull my feeding tube, give me a crapload of Morphine.

OT

I don't play computer games often, but here is an ending I am sure some of you may remember:



Another great shirt. Any classic video game expressions you'd want on a shirt?